Stupid People Piss Me Off

Driving >> The People I Love Can't Drive
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   Posted Mar 23, 2007 - Views: 1948


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  Driving is one topic her and I fight about regularly.  The reason is because she is a horrible horrible driver.  Ask her, and she will say I'm paranoid, which is probably true.  I like to think of myself as "cautious."  When I drive (as uptight as it may sound), I like to remain perfectly centered in my lane to show other drivers that I have full control of my vehicle, and I know how to maintain it with high accuracy.  Sounds silly I know, I'm just trying to set an example on the road for others... who probably don't even notice nor care.  I use my blinker 99.95% of the time for all turns, luckily my car stereo was stolen so I don't have the distraction of music, and I never follow another car within 4 car lengths at any speed over 35 (approx.). 

Just picture a precise, accurate, and calculating driver stepping into the passenger side of a car with a female; age 17ish (just got her license), with a purple mohawk 6 inches tall, tattoo's about, spikes, piercings galore, the car smells of pot and there's a beer in the cup holster.  That's nothing what my girlfriend looks like at ALL, but that's how I feel when I step into her car as a passenger.  I can expect to see my life flash before my eyes at least twice in a 20 minute car ride.  Here's things she does that freaks me out, or upsets me:
  1. She drives close to the center-line with on-coming traffic.
  2. Blinker... "What's that?"
  3. Light turns green means "pedal to the metal floor it lets see how fast I can make my tires go bald"
  4. "Babe, there's a STOP SIGN!" ... "Oh, thanks.  Didn't see that... hehe"
  5. For some odd reason she backs out of a parking spot INCREDIBLY SLOW and quite unusual.  She puts the car in reverse, backs up in a straight line until the front of her car is aligned with the rear of the car in the spot next to her.  THEN SHE starts to turn her steering wheel but by that point, she's about to hit the row of cars in the next Isle over in the parking lot. 
  6. She simply cannot multi-task.  I've learned that if I talk to her while driving, her mind gets so focused and centered on what I'm saying, that she simply enters la-la land behind the wheel of the 1800lb piece of metal she's skimming other cars with.  In the meantime, I'm in fetal position in the passenger seat sucking my thumb, rocking back and forth asking "when will it end."
  7. She never wears her seatbelt.  Simply dangerous.  My 2 best friends' mom sadly died from not wearing a seatbelt by being ejected from the car.
  8. At stop lights.  I don't know how to explain this but I'll do my best.  Let's say she is five cars back from the car in front at a red light.  The light turns green.  Cars 1-4 gradually accelerate their cars in conjunction with the car in front of them.  NOT HER.  There always seems to be a delay.  As car 4 gradually and progressively moves, she doesn't begin to accelerate, she remains still until car number 4 is maybe 4-6 car lengths ahead of her, THEN she gradually starts to accelerate.  I have yet to understand the reasoning behind this.  (For the record though, it holds cars up behind you and causes less people to make it through the intersection because of the time lost by delaying your vehicle to move in conjunction with the other cars.)
  9. Just don't piss her off.  Choose calm soothing topics like movies, or music.  The angrier she gets, the faster and more reckless she becomes.  Taking your life in your own hands literally. 
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